Lindsay and I are both extremely fortunate in being able to be stay at home parents. Technically, I’m not a stay at home parent, but Lindsay is and I’m home an awful lot. Aside from the 2010 RPTE to Thailand/Cambodia, driving out to Nashville and back, Not For Sale’s Montara Circle in San Francisco, and Astami and Chan’s Bali wedding in April, I think I’ve been home everyday with my son. And Lindsay has been with him everyday I have plus the days I was gone. We are so thankful for this.
Last night, I left to go get dinner. Just being gone for 30 minutes, I missed Clive. Like more than just a little bit. It made me think of dads that just up and leave. I don’t ponder this out of judgment (not at all implying that dads who abandon their children are above judgment), but out of genuine curiosity. How in the world do these men do it? How?! How do you choose to be away from your child? How do you just go on living as if you never had a child? As I was driving home, I was genuinely perplexed how this could ever happen. I’m away for 30 minutes and I already can’t wait for the next time I walk around the corner, say something, and just the sound of my voice immediately induces a smile and whiplash-like head turn to see where I am. I have no idea how a man could go on making a new life, missing out on his child’s life, and not be haunted with constant curiosity of what his child is doing right then. I don’t get it.
And then I think of children who get abandoned like that. If I were able to talk to someone who’s dad left them, I would tell them that I now know from experience that it wasn’t them. It was their dad. The problem was with him. It’s such an incredibly unnatural instinct to just leave your child and never look back. Anyone who could do this just isn’t right in the head, the heart, or the soul (or, rather likely, all three).
My brother got Clive a vampire plug. This might be one of my favorite photos of him ever.